I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
