I am puke
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
