I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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