THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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