I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
