found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
