im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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