i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
