I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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