If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
