my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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