Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
