Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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