Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
