worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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