just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
