Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
