So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
