he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
