omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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