Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
