I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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