I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
