Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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