She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??