so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
