Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
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i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions