Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's how pantless uber rides happen