I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.