I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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