Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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