bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's always time for handjobs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
