i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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