I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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