ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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