That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
