my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
