if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
