i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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