I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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