Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
