i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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