the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
