the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
