If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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