Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
