Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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