I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
