My cat gives me a boner
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
