the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
