just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
