Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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