oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
