you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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