I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
