Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize