what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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