You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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