rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize