The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
