You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
