...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
