After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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