Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
