There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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