hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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