Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
