Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
