it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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