I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
