I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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