WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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