I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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