My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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