It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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