so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
