If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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