wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
