her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
