I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
