she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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