11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
