What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
