I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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