after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
