new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
