it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
