you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
