do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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