We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
