she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love accidental penises.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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