I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
